Miss Marjoram to a child as they were walking down the corridor: Do you want to come back into Red Class?"
Child: "I do love you, Miss Marjoram, but no thanks!"
The children haven't seen the office staff as much during COVID restrictions and were greeting us from the corridor:
Child to Miss Hardman: "Nice to see you, Miss Hardman!"
Another child to Miss Lynch: "I haven't seen you properly for ages! We must catch up soon!"
Child to MSA: "Do you get paid a lot for this job?"
MSA: "Not a lot, no!"
Child: "Why don't you go and work in Asda or Tesco, then? No kids would answer back at you there!"
The MSA did explain that's not how she views her job!
Child to Teaching Assistant: “It must be Mrs Mannion’s birthday today!”
Teaching Assistant: “I don’t think so!”
Child: “It really must be!”
Teaching Assistant: “Why do you think that?”
Child: “Because she’s all dressed up!”
Mrs Mannion just happened to be wearing a skirt instead of her usual PE Co-ordinator uniform!
The children were practising the Golden Rule in the playground with Mrs Eaton, Midday Supervisor. It came to the last rule ("We are honest") and Mrs Eaton asked one of the younger children to read it out.
Child: "We are hopeless"!
Child to his Teaching Assistant: "Maybe Mrs Lawrie is a secret ninja..."
The children in Year 1 were discussing Christopher Columbus and how he may have felt in his boat.
Child: “I would have been scared that a giant salami would come and knock over the boat!”
Teacher: “A giant salami?”
After further discussion, it was clarified that a “salami” was actually a “tsunami”!
Mrs Mannion doesn’t often wear lipstick to school but had on a lovely shade of red that day.
Child: “How much lipstick have you got on today?”
Miss Mannion: “What do you think; is it better or does it not look very good?”
Child to Miss Lynch: “Can you phone my mum and tell her I’ve got a vest on?”
A lady was visiting the school for a job interview and we also had a wildlife visit from a group of people with minibeasts to show the children.
Child to the job applicant: “Are you the lady with all the bugs?”
A child was sitting quietly and looking a little under the weather.
Mrs Cheal: “Are you feeling OK? You look a bit pale.”
Child: “Yes, I feel fine. I was born pale!”
A reception little boy was waiting in Miss Lynch’s office as she walked in.
Child: “I came to see you but you weren’t home!”
Miss Lynch and a child were discussing how everyone has different qualities that make them beautiful.
Child: “My favourite thing about Mrs. Linnett is that she has a very good fringe!”
Blue Class were playing outside and a new Red Class child came out to see what they were doing.
Child to Mrs Linnett: “Who are you?”
Mrs Linnett: “I’m Mrs. Linnett.”
Child: “How old are you?”
Mrs Linnett: “I’m 21.”
Child: “Is that like a dinosaur?”
Child 1: “Are you coming over to lunch?”
Child 2: “In a minute, I’m waiting for my fan club.”
Miss Lynch was going out of the nursery door after chatting to a child.
Child (shouting across classroom): “Where are you going? You can’t go yet, I didn’t tell you to go!”
A nursery child had spent the day dressed as a superhero who he named "Scratchman". The next day he arrived at nursery not wearing his superhero clothes.
Teaching Assistant: “Where’s Scratchman today?”
Child: “He’s dead.”
Teaching Assistant: “What happened?”
Child: “He scratched himself to death.”
The children were discussing Antartica and the teacher was talking about the landscape.
Teacher: "There are lots of hills, but they also have lots of things that are bigger than hills; can you think what they might be?"
Child: "Big hills?"
Teacher: "Yes, but also something that some people like to climb?"
The children were discussing what they were going to be when they grow up.
Child 1: “I am going to be a tennis player.”
Child 2: “I am going to do people’s hair.”
Child 3: “I am going to be a world leader."
Teacher: “You need to concentrate on similes to make your work more interesting.”
Child: “I’ve always been an adjective kind of man.”
Child 1: “Why is the printer taking so long to print my work?”
Child 2: “Because it has to draw it.”
A child was looking at the bubbles in the tropical fish tank.
Child: “Why do these fish have a fizzy drink?”
The Nursery were discussing emotions and the teacher asked the children how they were feeling today and why.
Child 1: "I'm sad because my mummy's always in the shower."
Child 2: "I'm sad too because my mummy never has a shower."
It was the end of the school day and Miss Lynch was talking to a parent outside.
Child: "It is my birthday today!"
Miss Lynch: "You mean I went all day without hearing that it was your birthday? How did I miss that?"
Child: "That's OK, you can get me something next time."
Child: "Do you love me, Miss Marjoram?"
Miss Marjoram: "Yes, I love you."
Child: "Do you love my Dad?"
A child was standing in Miss Lynch’s office, staring at her.
Miss Lynch: “Are you OK? Do you need me?”
Child: “No, Alice* told me to come and look at you.”
Miss Lynch: “Do you think she meant that you should look for me?!”
*Not child's real name
Miss Lynch was talking to a child about pets.
Miss Lynch: “What pets have you got?”
Child: “I have a box of fish.”
(Further on in the conversation):
Child: “I also have two cats; a mummy and a daddy.”
Miss Lynch: “What are they called?”
Miss Lynch: “Is that the daddy cat? What’s the mummy cat’s name?”
Child: “Daniel as well.”
One of the children was trying to describe her red-haired classmate to her teacher:
Child: "You know, the little boy with gingerbread hair."
Two children were looking at a book on the human body.
Child 1: “Yumm, look, sausages!”
Child 2: “Those aren’t sausages, they’re your lungs!”
A child was feeling poorly and Mrs Jackson was asking him where it hurt.
Child: “In my tummy and my neck.”
Mrs Jackson: “How does your tummy feel? Is it sore or feeling wobbly?”
Child: “My tummy feels tiny.”
Mrs Jackson: “What about your neck? Is it your neck or is it inside in your throat?”
Child: “It feels like there’s a bus inside my neck.”
Child 1: “What is the moon made of?”
Child 2: “Everyone knows what the moon is made of...it’s cheese!”
Child 1: “Cheese?
Mrs Jackson was talking to the children about her birthday.
Mrs Jackson: “I am going to France for the day. How do you think I will get there?”
Child: “By crane!”
On visiting the Mayor’s parlour:
Mayor: “Would you like to be a Mayor when you grow up?”
Child: “I would because sometimes you get to kiss pretty girls!”
Child to the Teaching Assistant:
"I love your sparkly shoes. You're my best friend."
Miss Lynch: " I like your tights, they’re very pretty."
Child: "My style is cool, not pretty. Sometimes I like to think I am a rock star."
Miss Lynch to Mrs Cheal: "I am really looking forward to having a lie-in at the weekend."
Child: "Miss Lynch, are you really getting a lion?"
During a discussion on birthdays:
Child: It's nice that Baby Jesus was born on Christmas Day, isn’t it?"
A child was asking about a permission letter for an outing to Stanmer Park:
Child: "Can I have another letter?"
Miss Lynch: "Which letter would you like?"
Child: "You know, the one about standing in the park."
On being shown a shed snake skin:
Child: " Did they eat the middle bit?"
A group of Year 6 children were at a restaurant with Mr Logue.
"Mr Logue can be the daddy because dads always eat free!"
A child was trying to describe a semi-circle to her teacher: "It's a sassy circle!"
Child: “We’ve been skiving literacy!”
Mrs Lawrie: “Really? What have you been doing?”
Child: “Writing poems! It’s so much more fun than literacy!”
Miss Marjoram: “What would you like to get better at next year?”
Child: “Giving chocolate to my friends.”
As our previous Chair of Governors (the lovely Mrs Geal) walked past a group of children, one of the little girls turned to a grown up and asked:
"Is that the Queen Mum? She looks just like her!"
Mrs Neal had just finished an assessment with a Year 3 child.
Mrs Neal: “Is there anything you want to ask me?”
Child: “Can I have a week off school?”
Worth a try!
A Year Two child was standing outside the toilets looking concerned.
Miss Hardman: “Are you OK?”
Child: “Yes, I’ve been waiting for my friend, she’s in the toilet. I have to go back to class now because she’s been three or four minutes and she said she’ll be another two hours!”
Miss Marjoram was administering medicine to a child, who was not looking forward to his mouthful!
Child: “It tastes horrible, it tastes of squashed bees.”
Miss Hardman was talking to a nursery child about what he’d been doing at the weekend.
Child: “I went with my Dad to the ark”.
Miss Hardman: “Ark?”
Child: Yes, the ark.”
Miss Hardman: “Do you mean park?”
Child: “Yes, ark.”
There was a man in a suit in the playground (he was a visiting architect) and a Year Two boy watched the man, then turned to a Midday Supervisor.
Child: “That man is wearing a very smart suit. Is he the Prime Minister? I didn’t know we were expecting him today!"
Child to Mrs Henty (Teaching Assistant): “Are you Mrs Linnett’s slave?”
The children were all soaked from Splash Day and Miss Lynch and a child were comparing who had the wettest clothes.
Miss Lynch (holding her hand in the air): “Give me a wet high five!”
The child leaned forward and licked Miss Lynch’s hand!
The School Nurse was talking to a child about where he lives.
Child: “I’ve moved to a different town!”
Nurse: “I need to write down your new address, then.”
Child: “It’s 14a and it’s down some steps. Do you know it?"
The children were aware that Miss Parker was getting married soon.
Child: “Oh Miss Parker, I saw a wedding dress in the pound shop the other day, I’ll get it for you. It’s really pretty with sequins and all that. It’s only a pound.”
Children in the nursery were discussing what school they were going to in September.
Child: “Do you know which school I am going to?”
Teaching Assistant: “No, which one?
Child: “West Hove Elephants.”
A little boy was falling asleep at break time and his Teaching Assistant asked him to try and stay awake.
Child: “But I want to go to sleep and dream of whoopie cushions!”
A child came into nursery looking very sad.
Teacher: “Oh dear, why are you sad?”
Child: “Michael Jackson died today. And I have hiccups.”
Teacher: “That is sad. Do you know who Michael Jackson is?”
The teacher was doing a complicated Science lesson with Year One and she asked if there were any questions.
Child: “Have you got any hair gel? My hair’s going a bit flat.”
Miss Lynch was in the corridor using the photocopier and a child walked past with his teacher and saw her.
Child: "What are you doing out here?"
Miss Lynch: "I'm doing some photocopying."
Child (pointing to the office): "You shouldn't be here, you should be in there!"
A child that regularly visits Miss Lynch during the school day had popped in to her office.
Miss Lynch: “I don’t think you’re supposed to be in here at the moment! What are you meant to be doing?”
Child: “Checking things. I just came in to check this chair.”
Later that morning Miss Lynch saw the same child standing in the corridor looking around.
Miss Lynch: “What’s wrong?”
Child: “I’m still checking things. I’m just going to check the school, OK?”
Miss Lynch: "That's some very clever Maths you are doing."
Child: "I can do it because I've got a thousand brains."
Miss Thomas: "What's your other name, Amy*? Your surname?"
Child: "Amy So-Gorgeous."
*Not child's real name
Miss Dowley: "Hello Dan*!"
Child: "Is that a hypothetical question,
*Not child's real name
A snippet of a deadly serious conversation that passed between Mrs Jackson and a child while sewing together.
Mrs Jackson: “Do you ever doing sewing at home?”
Child: “Yes, I do it at my nanny’s.”
Mrs Jackson: ”What kind of things do you sew?”
Child: “Costumes for mice.”
Mrs Jackson: “Mice? Are they cuddly toy mice?”
Child: “No, real ones. They live in the roof.”
Mrs Jackson: “Why do you make them costumes? How do you know they want them?”
Child: “They told me. They squeaked.”
Mrs Jackson: ”What kind of costumes do you make them?”
Child: “Spiderman ones. They like Spiderman because they watch it with me.”
Mrs Jackson: “Where do they keep their costumes?”
Child: “In little wardrobes.”
Mr McConnachie was talking to the children about positive characteristics.
Mr McConnachie: “What do you consider to be important qualities in a friend?”
The children in Red Class had been discussing Goldilocks and her long blonde hair. The same day, they also had a visit from the Mayor, who had blonde hair.
Mum: “Did you have someone special visit you at school today?”
Child: “Yes, Goldilocks!”
Child 1: “I’m six!”
Child 2: “I’m five!”
Miss Lynch: “I’m thirty-one!”
Child 1: “No, you’re not!”
Miss Lynch: “I am!”
Child 1:”No, you’re not!”
Miss Lynch: “How old do you think I am, then?”
Child 1: (looking Miss Lynch up and down) "Ummm, six?”
Child 2: “Maybe seven?”
Mr McConnachie was talking to one of the younger siblings of our children who came to school in a superhero costume the day before.
Mr McConnachie: “Are you not a superhero today?”
Child: “I am, but I’m just dressed in normal clothes.”
Mr McConnachie: “Why is that?”
Child: “Because I peed on my cloak.”
Child 1: “We are going to get married when we grow up aren’t we?”
Child 2: “I will marry you first but later on I will have to marry someone else because I have lots of girlfriends.”
Snow had settled all over the playground and the children had just been outside to play.
Child: “Everything is all beautiful outside!”
Miss Lynch:” I know, everything looks white now, doesn’t it?”
Child: “Yes and tomorrow everything might be a different colour!”
Miss Marjoram: "Do you know the name of this teacher?"
Child: "Yes, it's Mrs Parker."
Miss Marjoram: "Well done."
Child: "Yes, because you're Mrs Peter Parker from Spiderman!"
A child was sitting in Miss Lynch’s office while her mum sorted out some paperwork. Her mum asked the child not to disturb Miss Lynch as she was working.
Miss Lynch (to the child): “Are you OK sitting there?”
Child: “Mummy, Miss Lynch disturbed me!”
A child had a small stone stuck up his nose and the teacher asked him how it got there.
Child: "It fell up there."
(On further questioning from the teacher:)
Child: "It was on the floor so someone must have picked it up and put it up there."
The teacher was doing phonics with a group of children and one of them made a mistake.
Child: “Oh no.”
Teacher: “What’s the matter?”
Child: “I always get that one wrong on Tuesdays.”
Mrs Peters asked the children what their favourite animal is.
Child: “I don’t have one.”
Mrs Peter’s: “Really?”
Child: “Can I just put Mrs Peters?”
The children were entering a space themed competition at school and one little girl told her mum she didn't want her to sign the permission slip because she was scared of winning. Upon further questioning, she said she was scared of what the prize might be, despite mum explaining it was bound to be fun. Finally, she admitted her fear... she was worried that the winner might get sent to outer space!
Mrs Peters to the class: “What can we use to help us with our number bonds?”
Mrs Peters (through laughter!): “Do you mean ‘Numicon’?”
Child to Mr Tyler, our Caretaker: “I know you, you’re the Chairtaker!”
Miss Lynch was running down the corridor when a child shouted, “Stop, Miss Lynch!”
Miss Lynch: “Are you OK?”
Child: ”You mustn’t run in the corridor, you know that!”
Miss Lynch: “You are right, I’m sorry. I’ll slow down.”
Miss Lynch then jogged off.
Child (very exasperated): “Really, Miss Lynch! If Mrs Lawrie sees you, you will get into so much trouble!”
Miss Lynch: “That’s true - I promise I will walk now!”
An electrician had been working in the corridor for a couple of weeks as part of our school expansion. A reception child walked past and greeted him.
Child: “Nice work - I couldn’t do it better myself!”
Child: “Please can I have a key to the cupboard?”
Miss Lynch: “Of course; just any cupboard or a particular one?”
Child (looking slightly confused): “Well, Mrs Bennett said the…well, it sounded like she said…the unicorn cupboard?!”
Miss Lynch: “Wow we have a unicorn cupboard? Why has Mrs Bennett been keeping a secret cupboard of unicorns without sharing them?! I think she might have meant the uniform cupboard!”
From now on, it shall be known as the unicorn cupboard!
Child to Mrs Lawrie: “Can we have a box of glue for glue, please? We can’t glue cos we haven’t got any glue so we need some glue.”
Mrs Tribe wasn’t wearing any tights so had bare legs for the first time that year.
Child 1: “Why are your legs empty?”
Child 2 (about Mrs Tribe’s scar on her knee): “Why have you got a purple blob on your leg?”
A child was going to get another piece of fruit/vegetable for his friend from the canteen.
Child: “I need to get a carrot to keep old fussy-chops happy!”
The Teaching Assistant was “interviewing” a child in the nursery.
Teaching Assistant: “What does your daddy do for a job?”
A child was waiting for Miss Lynch to finish a conversation on the phone.
Child: “I feel a bit boring, can I read a book?”
Two children were talking to Mrs Cheal about having a friend over for tea.
Child 1: “Can you ask my mum if my friend can come round for tea?”
Mrs Cheal: “You need to ask your mummy about that, darling.”
Child 2: “Mum will probably say no, that’s what mums do.”
A child came out of the toilet, looked at his mum and said “Wow, that was fun!”
Child: “I’m really clever because I know where milk comes from.”
Teacher: “Wow, where’s that then?”
Child: “The fridge of course!"
A child was waiting with Miss Marjoram as her father was late to collect her.
Child: “Dad’s late because mum is poorly.”
Miss Marjoram: “Oh that’s sad, I hope she feels better soon.”
Child: “She’s poorly because she has a headache. She went out last night and drank too much wine.”
Miss Lynch: "I like your new haircut, Anna.*"
Child (holding her hair back from her face): "Miss Lynch! It's me, Anna! I've just got different hair!"
*Not child's real name
Blue Class were on a coach trip and a little boy was sitting on his own in a double seat.
Teaching Assistant: “Are you alright sitting on your own?”
Child: “Yeah, the girls in front have been looking after me.”
Teaching Assistant: “Would you like me to come and sit with you?”
Child: ”Yeah, go on then, it’ll give the girls a break."
A child was wearing a knight’s costume for the fifth day in a row.
Child 2: “Is that hat welded to your head?”
On a long coach trip, Mr McConnachie was leaning his head against the seat in front of him and dozing with his eyes closed.
Child 1: “What’s Mr McConnachie doing?”
Child 2: “He’s worshipping his God.”
A Reception class child kept trying to sneak back inside school while the other children were outside playing at playtime. She kept creeping into Miss Lynch’s office for a chat with a variety of excuses and Miss Lynch kept taking her back outside. On her fourth attempt to sneak in:
Child: “Miss Lynch, I have to tell you something but it’s a very long thing so we have to sit down together in your office to talk about it.”
On her fifth attempt, she managed to sneak past Miss Lynch and into a classroom where Miss Dowley found her:
Miss Dowley: “What are you doing in here?”
Child: “I was looking for you to give you a hug.”
Mrs Jones had told the children that there was an Inset Day coming up.
Child: “Mrs Jones, what are you going to be doing on Insect Day?”
Children were taking round a variety of fruit for staff to try, including passion fruit and star fruit.
Child: ”Would you like to try some starfish?”
The Teaching Assistant called to a child to hurry up who was taking his time in the toilets.
Child (shouting loudly): “I can’t pull my pants up! I don’t know which way round they go because they haven’t got a picture on.”
Mr McConnachie was handing out some dates to the children at fruit time.
Child: “Mr McConnachie, I didn’t think you ate dates, I thought you went on them!”
Child: “This is a fantastic place to come.”
Mrs Linnett: “I agree, but you know sometimes I want to stay in bed and watch telly.”
Child: “So do I and sometimes that’s why I’m late!”
During a discussion in RE:
Child: “Eve ate the apple in the Garden of Eden.”
Headteacher: “Who else ate the apple?”
Child: ”Snow White.”
The Headteacher was ringing the fire bell for a practice drill and a child appeared from his classroom.
Child: “What do you think you are doing there making all that noise? I am trying to have a quiet time in my classroom!”
On “Mufti” - non school uniform - Day:
Child: “Miss Lynch, we don’t have to wear clothes to school today!”
Miss Lynch: “You mean you don’t have to wear UNIFORM today!”
Miss Marjoram: "How are you?"
Child: "I'm small."
To Miss Lynch as she was washing her hands in the classroom sink:
Child: "Why are you washing your hands?"
Miss Lynch: "Because I was carrying something dirty."
Child: "What, like poo?"
Miss Lynch: "Errr, no, just a bit of muddy wood!"
Headteacher: "What day is it today?"
Headteacher: "And how do we know it's a Friday?"
Child: "Because I've got my Friday knickers on!"
Teaching Assistant: "Why?"
Child: "So I can boss people around."
To Mr Smithson, the caretaker:
Child: "Are you Santa?"